I Know
by sirducklumps
Summary: Dave and Kurt start having weekly meetings to discuss Dave's sexuality, but when Kurt and Blaine break up, things start getting weird.  WARNINGS for briefly mentioned attempted suicide and crackyness.  KURTOFSKY set during the summer of their Senior year.


DISCLAIMER: I do not own Glee but I do own this terrible fic.

I want to apologize in advance for the terrible quality of this fan-fiction. It was finished in one night when I was very, very tired.  
>Set during the summer of their Senior year, both Dave and Kurt are on slightly friendly terms at this point.<p>

Hope you enjoy xD

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><p>David Karofsky often wondered what had happened. He used to go out with his friends all the time and watch movies and play video games and have unofficial football scrimmages, but lately his time has been taken up one of two ways; Kurt or the internet.<p>

He didn't actually know how he had gotten so involved with the web, but at some point he had found a website called 'Tumblr' and suddenly his life was nonexistent - except, of course, by weekly meetings Kurt Hummel had proposed they have. Ever since his apology, Dave had been dragged into these... appointments with Kurt. Usually they're at public places on the far ends of the city to lessen the risk of being found out, but lately Kurt has been tired of driving half an hour out to some obscure coffee shop and insisted they just go to Dave's home (Dave is not allowed anywhere close to Kurt's and the soprano has to lie about the meetings to his father.).

At the meetings, Kurt and Dave discuss the latter's sexuality and how it affects his life. Kurt prompts Dave's coming out and Dave continues to find reasons why he shouldn't. Eventually they fall into normal conversations and Dave is surprised to find them laughing and joking and talking about things that aren't completely gay.

This all ends up on Dave's blog. He talks discreetly about his increasing feelings for the smaller guy who he has actually been secretly and oddly attracted to for quite some time and about his sexuality as openly as if he were already out. He sees his blog as a way of being able to let out emotions and feelings and thoughts he had to bottle up in real life and it was addicting to pour his soul out to people he's never met and never plans to meet. He actually gets a lot of messages saying how amazingly proud people are of him for accepting himself and blah blah blah and whatever other compliments Dave is sure he doesn't deserve. He gets a lot of people anonymously telling him exactly how to seduce Kurt and what sorts of things he should do to the kid sexually and he's not sure why people care so much what happens between him and Kurt and there are times when he wishes people would just stop but... they do have good ideas. Sometimes he thinks of how he would execute some of the seduction techniques suggested but inevitably brushes them off and continues being painfully awkward around his subject of desire.

Of course, he would never actually say anything to Kurt. Never ever. Kurt talks on and on about his boyfriend. The pretty dark haired boy who had practically jumped Dave on the stairs, saying he was gay in front of practically the entire school. The boy who obviously doesn't know shit about what Dave's going through but who keeps sending him messages through Kurt about how he should have courage and face his fears and whatever fucking else he thinks helps. Really, it's just all pretty insulting that this perfect-haired angelic guy with the most perfect boyfriend in existence has any idea what Dave is going through. Dave doesn't even care what Blaine has been through pre-coming out because that little show-choir geek has never gone through what Dave has and has no idea what it's like being in his situation. Dave still pinches himself subtly during his and Kurt's "sessions" to make sure that it's not a dream because he's still in shock that the soprano would ever actually talk to him, much less like this.

All this goes on Dave's blog. He talks about the stupid, condescending boyfriend of the love of his life and how the stupid asshole thinks he can fix the world with just a little bit of courage. He doesn't even know the meaning of the word courage. Courage was (according to Kurt) the reason he stood up to Dave in that incredibly unbearable way that ended in a spontaneous and ultimately stupid kiss that landed Dave sitting on his bed with a kitchen knife in one hand and his other pressed against his leaking eyes. He couldn't stand himself after that. His idiocy had gone too far. He almost did it, too. He was going to slice right down his arm until he bled out and he didn't have to deal with himself anymore. Instead he ended up crying himself to sleep, no one to call and only one thing keeping him from doing it.

He couldn't do something like that to his family. He ripped up his suicide note the next morning and replaced the knife back in the kitchen and spent the entire day thinking about what he had been so close to doing.

Eventually he will tell Kurt about that night. The night of the almost-suicide, but he wanted to wait for the proper time. Maybe when they became friends instead of people who converse occasionally.

In fact, that's what he is thinking of at that moment as he sits at his own kitchen counter, watching Kurt walk to the fridge to get a Coke. Dave finds his eyes wandering places they shouldn't but he doesn't stop himself. At this point, it's useless trying to convince himself that he doesn't totally adore the kid. The meetings have only made this more clear to him.

"So, I have some news for you." Kurt says, straightening up just as Dave's eyes flick back to his nails. "Oh?" He asks, glancing back at Kurt casually. "Shoot."

"Blaine and I broke up."

Dave stares at the gay teen as he sits delicately beside his former bully. "But... I don't understand. Why?"

Kurt clears his throat and pops open the can, an unreadable expression on his face. After taking a swig, the brown haired boy takes a deep breath.

"He said that I was an idiot for thinking that I could ever be in Broadway." He murmured, lifting his eyebrows briefly before taking another drink. "He said that I should lower my expectations because there's no point assuming I'm going to even be able to make a living being an actor or performance artist. He apologized, but... I can't date someone who doesn't believe in me. I feel like he really hasn't from the start."

Dave blinked at the rant that he had just witnessed and felt his heart nearly break as Kurt subtly wiped at his eyes. "I... I'm so sorry, Kurt. You don't deserve that. No one deserves that. You are one of the best singers I've heard in my entire life. I mean, sure it's hard for an artist, no matter what, but you are amazing. You can do whatever you want. One day I think you'll rule the world." Dave chuckled slightly towards the end, letting Kurt know that he was kind of joking.

Kurt hadn't said anything. He was simply staring at Dave with that same unreadable expression, but slightly different. He looked almost confused.

Finally; "Really? You think that?"

Dave rolled his eyes. "Yes, of course I do, Kurt. I respect the shit out of you. You're honestly one of the greatest people I've ever met. Why do you even have to question that? It's so obvious."

Kurt glanced away from his companion to lean his head into his hand, which was propped up on the counter. "Wow... thanks, David. Really. Thanks. That really meant a lot to me."

Finally, Kurt smiled. In fact, he grinned and leaned over to hug Dave, holding the other boy close for a good thirty seconds. Dave hugged him back and felt his heart speed up as the smaller boy buried his face into the other's shoulder. Dave could feel the warm breath against his neck and suddenly there were goosebumps down his arms. Kurt hadn't hugged him before. Not once. This contact was the kind of thing Dave had been waiting for. He savoured it. He let it sink in and boil in his body for a moment before Kurt let go and wiped his eyes again. This time he had cried. There were trails down his face.

Kurt's eyes didn't leave Dave's. Dave wasn't sure why, but they were staring at each other silently, just watching, searching. He could feel those beautiful blue/green eyes going deep into his soul and Dave could only hope that Kurt didn't find the feelings boiling deep inside him that the jock continued to try to bury.

Finally, Kurt looked away and Dave wasn't quite sure but he thought he saw something like a blush on the smaller boy's cheeks and he was sure that his own cheeks were pretty red. "I... I should leave." Kurt said finally, slipping off his seat. "Thanks for listening. I'm glad you're my friend now. I was missing out." He said with a soft smile as he grabbed his can and leaned over to give Dave one last hug, pressing the sides of their faces together in the process, getting awfully close. Dave swallowed hard as he hugged back again. Finally, Kurt left and Dave slumped in his chair, his hands covering his face. "Fuck." He murmured.

It didn't take him ten minutes to get up to his room and open his laptop and immediately start a long rant on what had just happened. He got a few comments saying things like "dude he ttly wants ur dick." and "Aw how sweet are you two? You should go for it! He obviously likes you!"

After about half an hour, he got a message in his inbox. It was anonymous, but unlike the usual anonymous messages calling him a stupid faggot or whatever, this one was a long, thought-out message containing the following.

_'David,_  
><em>I have been following your blog for some time. You seem awfully infatuated with this nameless boy that you meet with once a week. I keep hearing about how you feel about him, how every time he laughs your heart warms, about how when he smiles you can't help but smile and when he's sad your heart breaks in half because you feel so guilty about the sadness you gave him before and you never want him to be sad again.<em>

_Etc._  
><em>You get my point.<em>

_Anyway, I wanted to know if you had any idea what this nameless boy thinks? Have you talked to him about it? Maybe it's worth a shot? He seems to be single now, so maybe you have a chance? I suggest you wait a week or so for the break up to leave his system, but I truly think you have a chance with him._

_I'm sorry that I'm anonymous because I'm sure we would be able to have lovely talks with one another, but my identity, unfortunately, can not be revealed. I know it sounds stupid but maybe you'll find out why soon._

_Much love,_  
><em>Your anon.'<em>

Dave reread the message again and again. Why in the Hell couldn't this anon just tell him who they are? Why were they being so secretive? Were they someone from school? A creepy fangirl (he had a few of those)? Sighing, he went back to answering questions and reblogging things he liked, burying his feelings with the internet and a cupcake that had been left out by, presumably, his mother.

The next meeting was awkward. Kurt wasn't saying much, mostly just giving Dave looks. It took him several minutes before he cleared his throat and put on a smile. "I think I'm over Blaine. I started getting over him before we broke up. He was always unsupportive anyway." He shrugged, taking a sip of his Coke.

Dave lifted an eyebrow. "That's good! So, do you think you'll be dating again anytime soon?"

Kurt just smirked. "Only if someone asks me out. I'm tired of being the one falling all over a guy. I want someone to pursue me." His eyes were fixed on Dave, as if trying to gauge his reaction. Dave cleared his throat, blushing slightly. "What kind of guys do you go for, anyway? You can't like tiny hobbit dudes with bad hair."

Kurt actually laughed out loud. He subtly scooted closer to Dave on the couch they had perched on for the meeting that week. Dave noticed and couldn't get the message from last week out of his head, plus all the encouragement from his "followers". Maybe he should just go for it? Make his feelings known. At least they'd be out there and he wouldn't have to keep it all bottled up constantly.

"I actually have a thing for footballers, I think..." Kurt answered, placing a finger on his chin. "I always crushed on them. I dunno how I made a leap from that to Blaine. I think it was the show-choir thing. Plus, besides his stupid hair and his height, he was kind of attractive." Frowning, Kurt shook his head. "But that doesn't matter, there are attractive football guys, too."

Dave noticed the other boy's gaze turn to him as he said that. Finally, Dave jumped up from his seat where he had been almost pressing against Kurt. He could feel the other boy's body heat.

"I... I need to use the bathroom." He blurted out, running his fingers through his hair as he hurried down the hall.

What the fuck was going on? It was as if the world was sending him signal after signal to ask Kurt out, or at least tell him how he feels. Seriously, this is getting ridiculous. It almost feels like Kurt is... flirting.

Dave closed the bathroom door behind him, running a hand over his face. All the signs would point to flirting, honestly. Why else would Kurt be acting so weird? But... really? David Karofsky? Dave growled under his breath. He must have really low standards after Blaine... really low standards, Dave thinks. If he's right and Kurt really is flirting, then what is he supposed to do? Is this just rebound? If he says something about his feelings would Kurt get weirded out about how obsessed with him Dave is?

Squaring his shoulders in the mirror, Dave fixes his hair. No. He's David Karofsky! He has dealt with so much worse than this. He can handle rejection. He can handle "just being friends". He just wants Kurt to know.

Taking a deep breath, he prepares himself mentally and honestly he wishes he had some alcohol just to make this whole thing a bit easier, but then again his stomach was starting to feel a little queasy so perhaps alcohol wouldn't be a good idea.

Exiting the bathroom, he walks slowly down the hall, going over what he'll say mentally (as if he hadn't practiced it a million times before in the mirror).

Swallowing hard, he entered the living room again, giving Kurt a nervous smile. Kurt's eyebrows furrow. "Are you alright, David? You look... I dunno... bad."

Dave squeezes his eyes shut and ignores what Kurt had just said.

"I have something to say." He pushes out, keeping his eyes shut. He finds it easier to say when he's pretending that Kurt isn't right there.

"I..." He pauses, shaking his head as he pushes his slightly outgrown hair away from his forehead. "I just wanted to tell you that..." He bites his lip, lowering his hands to cross over his chest. "I really like you. Like, I've liked you for months now, even before we started talking. I really like you. Like, to the point where I would do anything for you. You have changed my life for the better and you don't understand how fucking thankful I am. I owe you my entire life, but really all I can offer you is my loyalty. I'm not perfect but... fuck... I think I love you."

He didn't mean to say that last part. He meant to leave it at "I really like you", but it had slipped out. He finally opened his eyes and noticed that Kurt had moved to stand not but a foot from him, shock in his face.

He didn't say anything for a while, he just stood and stared and Dave almost broke down because he was sure that rejection was eminent and he had forgotten that he wouldn't be able to handle it. He hung his head, opening his mouth to apologize before feeling a finger on his chin, lifting it up.

"You really mean that?" Kurt asked softly, doing the eye-searchy thing that Dave was sure was super cliche but he really didn't care right now.

"... Yeah."

Finally, Kurt smiled and leaned up to hug Dave again, wrapping his arms around the taller boy's neck and resting his head against Dave's collarbone. It took Dave a moment to wrap his arms around Kurt's waist and pull him a little closer. He felt the prick of tears at the corner of his eyes but blinked them back because he didn't want to cry from getting hugged, but he was sure this was just a gentle rejection. Kurt was kind. He wasn't going to outright tell Dave that he's way out of the soprano's league, he's going to say it nicely and kindly, but he's still going to say it.

However, instead of finding a nice way of saying "You're a fat, ugly idiot and I wouldn't be caught dead dating you." He simply responded; "I know." and pressed a gentle kiss to Dave's cheek.

"I've known for a while. I..." As he pulls away a bit from the hug (just enough to be able to look at the other face-to-face) Dave notices a blush. "I follow your blog. I read all the things you post about the 'nameless boy' who I know is me. I just... I've found myself liking you more and more every day, especially through your blog which I've been able to get to know you better through than talking face-to-face. You're an amazing guy, David. I'm terribly flattered. And I like you, too."

Dave tries not to pass out or burst out crying or smack himself in the face to wake himself up because this is obviously the best dream he's ever had.

Kurt bites his lip, staring at Dave worriedly. "Say something, please?" He asks nervously. Dave just shakes his head and leans down to peck Kurt lightly on the side of the mouth. "This is quite literally the best dream ever."

Kurt laughs out loud and gently pinches the other boy. "Not a dream, sorry to disappoint." He said with a smirk. Dave grins and leans down cautiously. "I know that last time I kissed you it was awful and made you leave McKinley and probably made you hate me and it was honestly the dumbest thing I have ever done, but can I try again?" He asked softly and earnestly. Kurt giggled softly before nodding, leaning his face up towards the other boy. "I dare you, Karofsky."

Dave smiles again as he leans down and captures Kurt's lips in a kiss that is almost as desperate as the last, but it's not as messy and it's definitely more passionate, considering both parties are participating avidly.

When they part, the two boys breath lightly on each other's lips. Dave leans his head against Kurt's before kissing his nose softly. "I've been wanting to do that forever." He murmured softly. Kurt grinned, nuzzling their faces together. "I know."

Dave sighed contently before parting their bodies slightly, his expression turning a bit nervous again. "So... what does that mean for us?"

Kurt shrugged, pulling him closer again. "Whatever you want it to be. I'm willing to make out with you against your locker, but I know you're not quite there yet. Whatever you're comfortable with."

Dave bit his lip, his thumbs idly stroking the small of Kurt's back. "You have been all I've wanted for the past year. I don't want to have you and then force us both to pretend something else. I don't want to come out just yet, but to your friends and... and maybe some of mine... we can... be together?" Dave suggests hesitantly.

Kurt leans up to peck his lips, smiling softly. "It's a good start." He said, cuddling his new boyfriend. "And about that making out against lockers... I dunno about lockers, but my parents aren't home for another hour and my bed is pretty empty right now." Dave said with a smirk and a quirk of his brow.

Kurt laughed and grabbed the other's hand, pulling him towards the stairs.

"That's a much better start."


End file.
